Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Everything you know about hospitality is wrong

Forget that 'customer is always right' bullshit. In Melbourne, the customer is always wrong! White Melburnians love nothing more than that feeling of inferiority they get when entering coffee shops staffed by people more fashionable than them. They want to see that air of disdain from the barista when approaching the counter and they crave those feelings of inadequacy that come from being silently eyeballed by patrons with trendier haircuts as they do a masochistic walk of shame through the cafe while grovelling in front of the register, ingratiatingly ordering a coffee 'if it's not too much trouble'. The payoff is; (1) getting to whinge about it later and, (2) being seen drinking coffee out of a white paper cup stamped with the logo of a culturally sanctioned cafe. The stamp is their visa for entry into White Melbourne but be careful - this visa expires as soon as the cup is empty. Yet these cups are considered so aesthetically pleasing they are then reused to decorate the footpaths and gutters of White Melbourne. Now others can enjoy them too!

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