Sunday, January 6, 2013

Threatening to move Southside

As White Melbourne moves further and further north, Melbourne white people will be forced to face some serious questions, like - do I really want to live in Thomastown? Maybe one day white Melburnians will argue not over Smith Street being superior to Brunswick Street but how much better Highpoint is compared to Northland. And will Castlemaine (the Portsea of the North) still feel like an escape when so many white Melburnians live basically next door?

Much like those Americans who threatened to move to Canada if Bush won, white Melburnians threatening to move Southside are also kidding themselves. It's just their way of saying Northside belongs to them at the exclusion of everyone else. On the other hand, what's so bad about Southside? It has the beach, it has Luna Park, and you get to catch up with the boys at the Pint on Punt. And the clubs are better! Northside can't compete with the California Club and Club 859!* Anyway, I've been exploring Southside lately and I just discovered a great cafe called the Galleon that nobody knows about. See you there?

*Don't Google them (they're brothels). I was trying to be funny.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, poor naive Ben. You can't win over White Melburnians to the Southside by listing its good points. This isn't a rational argument. The ancient grand dragons of White Melbourne simply decreed back in the seventies that south of the Yarra was off limits after smoking some bad weed and misinterpreting some Paul Kelly lyrics. The Southside will always be the Southside and the right kind of White Melburnian will only venture over there for a few select reasons and nothing else ie. Grizzly Bear playing the Palais.