Going to Bali . . . but not the touristy bit

Within every white Melburnian there lurks an inner bogan. When the white Melburnian is awake the bogan can be kept at bay, but every night they dream of VKs and premierships. Controlling this less reputable side of their personality takes a lot of energy so white Melburnians need a safe place where these strong urges can be unleashed. Bali is that place. Below are a number of socially acceptable reasons for going to Bali that Melbourne white people will use on you to justify their holidays (real reasons are in italics):

"But Bali is so cheap and so were the flights and it's so beautiful and they've got Heineken on tap!"

 "You can eat fresh seafood for like 5 bucks and I'm trying to learn Indonesian and they've got Heineken on tap!" 

"You can hire scooters and ride quad bikes and get cheap surfing lessons and do yoga and drink mango smoothies and Heineken on tap!"

"We never went to Kuta because the other parts of the island are actually really quiet and it's only locals at those places and we found a nice coffeeshop so every morning we'd drink Heineken on tap!"

When talking about their Bali trips white Melburnians will be at pains to tell you how they didn't go to Kuta. Don't believe them!