Preston market

The best thing about the Preston Market is that it's in Preston. It doesn't matter that it's just a market and Melbourne is full of those. It's in Preston! While merely acknowledging the existence of the suburb of Preston is your ticket to white Melburnian acceptance, knowing about a market in Preston puts you near the top of the social order amongst Melbourne white people. This is because many white Melburnians are too young to remember the Punters club.

You might be wondering why Preston market is so popular now, given that it's been around since 1970. This is because in 1970 all white Melburnians were at a sausage sizzle.

Melbourne white people know it's absurd to claim they discovered a market that has been around for forty years, yet they absolutely want you to think they did. Listen carefully the next time you hear the Preston market being discussed. Nobody will state outright they discovered it, yet discovery is clearly implied. They imply the shit out of it! Hang around white Melburnians for long enough, and you'll start believing Preston was a terra nullius before they came along.