Aussie Hip Hop

White Melburnians will tell you they don’t listen to American hip hop because it ‘oppresses women’. You see, the white males who make most of the music they listen to would never do that. While their North American and European counterparts openly love American hip hop, it's sort of like ethnic music to Melbourne white people and they aren’t sure how to listen to it. I blame Triple J for this.

Melbourne white people are new to hip hop. In 1997, most white Melburnians were too busy mourning the death of Princess Diana to notice Biggie getting shot in a Los Angeles drive-by. Whenever a white Melburnian hears American rap music they’ll cock their wrist in the air, convulse rhythmically, and say “Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!” But they are not having a seizure. They are just condemning this music in the most powerful way they know how – through ironic mimicry. Any rap fans witnessing such a defiant display will cower in fear and change the music to something more socially acceptable – Aussie hip hop. White Melburnians will never admit it, but the sound of a man rapping in an Australian accent secretly makes them cringe.